The Holiday’s are upon us and we now only have 24 days left to buy meaningful gifts for our closest loved ones…and not so closest loved ones, if we have to spend another $5 on some shitty office gift exchange present we may just binge drink on full fat eggnog and slip into a holiday coma (we may just do that anyways). But truly, who has the time to shop for thoughtful gifts all while maintaining a full time regular job, maintaining a full time holiday job (of trying to eat every type of festive goodie within reach), AND attending a minimum of 8 holiday parties per week? NO ONE! That’s who! So yeah, buying thoughtful gifts can be a stressful, especially if you have a few tough sugar cookies on your list this year. This year we have narrowed it down to three categories of some of the hardest people to shop for, so let our gift guide show you the way to happy gift giving this holiday season, minus the stress.
For . . . The bitch who has everything
Ok we all have this lady in our lives, this is the woman who has different glass charms for every holiday (or doesn’t have glass charms at all?). She gets excited about buying weird useless kitchen gadgets and several different sizes of decorative bowls because she literally has EVERYTHING! Or does she? Take a look at our list, if that bitch has a Star Wars windshield sunshade then we will walk around in a Chewbacca outfit all of January for letting you down.
1. The Eyesicle 2. MT Masking Tape 3. Colour Me Good ARRGGGHHHH! Colouring book 4. All in one 4 gallon globe aquarium 5. Resin iPhone Stand 6. Edmee box 7. Star wars millennium falcon windshield sunshade 8. Chopstick Rests
Unisex Secret Santa
So you picked Don’s name for the office Secret Santa, or is it Dawn? He/She could really go both ways here, are those real boobs or man boobs? Is that a men’s $15 haircut from Good Cuts or a fuck-you-pixie to all of the chauvinistic asswipes of the world that say a woman’s worth is measured by her hair length? Are those Woman’s Gap cargo pants or Men’s Gap cargo pants? (Side note to Gap, stop making Cargo pants). Stop torturing yourself and err on the side of caution; our unisex gifts will stop you from having to ask, “So how did the gender reassignment surgery go?” to the wrong person…again.
Shit your boyfriend wants (but we don’t actually know because we have vaginas so cut us some slack)
Men are hard to buy for (coming from a couple of broads over here). They want weird shit like five different types of headphones and a thermostat. Huh? We have no use for these practical gifts but apparently our boyfriends and husbands do, our resident NEAT Man Nick, told us so. So this year instead of buying him another crappy sweater he won’t wear (but actually will to avoid hurt feelings), buy him something off of our list. Or your could give him the gift of honesty this year and just ask him what he wants.
1. Milled head hammer 2.Vinyl Me, Please Record subscription 3. Kakkoii LOOP’d speaker 4. August smart lock 5. Bose quiet comfort noise cancelling headphones 6. Ultimate Ears boom bluetooth speaker 7. Nest thermostat 8. GoPro Hero 4 9. Schwood Sunglasses
Finally, when in doubt just give socks, they may be disappointed at first but they will come to realize the merit of your gift come laundry day.
– SS, KB, NT