URBAN ICE QUEEN

You might be thinking to yourself, what the hell is an urban ice queen? Well today is your lucky day because I’m going to teach you something new. An ice queen, as I’m sure you know, is a classic fairy tale character who typically plays the bad queen. For inspiration, I looked to Tilda Swinton from The Chronicles of Narnia where she played the White Witch. Swinton was a super bad ass; such a bad ass in fact that when I was looking up some images of her in this role, I came across an article called ‘the 50 biggest assholes in film’ and she was on it. Congratulations White Witch, it was at that moment that I knew I was on the right track.

the-neat-blog-urban-ice-queen-14

The first thing I’m sure you notice is all the fuzzy, furry layers that the Ice Queen wears in order to keep warm to rule her land during Winter. PETA members: Beware No Teddy Bears Were Harmed In The Making Of This Outfit. Oh ya – the fur is vintage, but that’s fine, right? Hand carried back all the way back from Sydney, Australia (God knows why they have an abundance of fur there but they do)! I digress, first things first, pack a massive layer of fur onto your body. Period.

Image of Kayla wearing in an urban ice queen outfit, read more about it at the neat blog

Image of Kayla wearing in an urban ice queen outfit, read more about it at the neat blog

Image of Kayla wearing in an urban ice queen outfit, read more about it at the neat blog

Image of Kayla wearing in an urban ice queen outfit, read more about it at the neat blog

Next step on becoming an Urban Ice Queen: the stink eye glare – leave your makeup at home ladies, Ice Queens don’t have time for primping. If you know me at all, even just a little, you know I don’t have to work very hard on this face. This is the second most common face I make next to my Oscar the Grouch frown. Ice Queens are hard as F, and I really need to keep this persona up if I want to achieve the ass-hole seal of approval, please see my stink eye glare stare below.

the-neat-blog-urban-ice-queen-15

Image of Kayla wearing in an urban ice queen outfit, read more about it at the neat blog

Image of Kayla wearing in an urban ice queen outfit, read more about it at the neat blog

Image of Kayla wearing in an urban ice queen outfit, read more about it at the neat blog

Your badass accessory comes next. The White Witch opts for two massive swords, and as much as I would like to carry those suckers around they are frowned upon in the city streets of Calgary. Instead I have this necklace with three gold balls. These balls are the balls of three different men who have crossed me; I removed their testicles with a spoon and had them set in brass. I wear them as a warning to others, mess with me and I will fuck you up.

Image of Kayla wearing in an urban ice queen outfit, read more about it at the neat blog

Image of Kayla wearing in an urban ice queen outfit, read more about it at the neat blog

Image of Kayla wearing in an urban ice queen outfit, read more about it at the neat blog

Image of Kayla wearing in an urban ice queen outfit, read more about it at the neat blog

The outfit is not complete without some sort of headpiece. I, so badly wanted a crown, but it’s bloody cold outside…. safety first, a toque it is! But the ultimate key to achieving your Urban Ice Queen status is…. your badassed self. Do you think that Tilda Swinton gives two shits what you think of her? No, and that’s her best accessory, better than any fluff you can hang off your bag (I’m kidding Coutukitsch, I love my fluff!!). You have to do YOU, be authentic, be free and let your freak flag fly wherever the wind may take you.  If there is a day I don’t live my life by this mantra someone please end it all. Suzy, that means you, and judging by your last post you won’t object to sucking my blood dry.

Image of Kayla wearing in an urban ice queen outfit, read more about it at the neat blog

Image of Kayla wearing in an urban ice queen outfit, read more about it at the neat blog

Vintage jacket, Parisian market toque (similar here), Italian market necklace, Zara mohair skirt (similar texture here), Zara mohair shirt, Micheal by Micheal Kors wedge booties (similar here), Coutukitsch pom pom quartz key chain, thrifted purse, H&M dotted tights

Thank you Sarah Knorr for the fun time and incredible photos!

-KB

Post your thoughts